Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
