If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Randomize
