I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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