so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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