Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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