Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
