you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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