My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
