dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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