she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
