dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize