Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
