When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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