I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize