I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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