I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
