Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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