I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
