There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize