..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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