if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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