I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
