It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize
