Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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