I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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