So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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