u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
