No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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