Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
