He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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