the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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