"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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