Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
