I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
