thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
