wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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