bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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