Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
