I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
