You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
