i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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