I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
