non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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