He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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