After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
