My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize