if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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