it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
