and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
