just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
