She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
