She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
