I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
