I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
