Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
