I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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