come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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