fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You can't special order awesome
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
