your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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