"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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