What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
