Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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