Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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