but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
