haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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