They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
