ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
