Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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