somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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