So drunk its hurt
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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