Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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