Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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