I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
