Walk of Shame. In a state park.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
