apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
