how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
